who i am
by mystiques
Summary: It's all up to you now, Kristen Gregory. So what do you choose? Would you rather be miserable but popular, or a "loser" but happy? / for cat, happy 14th birthday! / kristen centric, oneshot & au.


**an**: well i got this idea for a fic; and it's kind of based on my thoughts and what i think about a situation. so, um, yeah.

**dedication: **for cat, aka enchanteuse, you're a wonderful person and ily. sorry i didn't use any prompts or pairings. (:

**notes:** this is second person, i guess, but i dunno if it's against the rules; because the second-person stuff is all directed towards kristen; not the readers. so um, yeah.

* * *

It's all up to you now, darling.

What do you choose? Would you rather be popular but unhappy and lose your mother's trust? Or perhaps, be yourself and have your mother's faith? Or maybe you could be two-faced and be _both_?

The possibilities are endless.

The thing is, Kristen Gregory, do you have what it takes to survive in this big, big world?

.

Are you content with who you are now? Remember when you were who you are? When you appreciated yourself, no matter what? Remember those days in which you **embraced** yourself and didn't let your peers hold you down and change you?

Ah, those sweet little peaceful days in your childhood.

But Kristen, you've changed now. _Everything _has changed. No longer do you care too much about your grades; and no longer do you love yourself for who you are. Remember those countless nights you spend moaning about not having enough cash to buy designer labels?

And those times you've looked at your reflection in the mirror, stating how you think you're so fat and you need to lose weight? And later using Dylan's "trick" (which actually does no good for you) to throw up your dinner?

Of course, Kristen, you've changed a lot. Nothing can deny it, and neither can you.

.

Remember the sweet, adorable, and lovable child of five? The kindergartner who loved sports and having fun? What happened to that girl?

Where is she now? Kristen Gregory, it's all up to you now. You get to choose your fate. Your future. And your life.

Do you choose the Pretty Committee? Do you choose to be popular, but miserable? Do you choose to be shallow-minded and do you _want_ low grades? And do you **still** want to harm yourself and let those girls wreck your brain, making you feel bad about yourself?

_Do you? _**Do you? **Do you?

It's all up to you now, sweetheart. You're old enough to make your own choices.

.

So go on, and choose. **Misery** or **happiness**?

Or would you rather we put it this way; **popularity** or **loneliness**?

Don't forget, though, that life isn't separated into two different social classes. There are a _lot_ more, Kristen, and don't let those girls make you think otherwise.

Be who you choose to be. Follow your heart.

Don't let others decide your fate. It's all up to **you**. It's **your** crossroads, and it's **your** life we're discussing. Not **their**s.**  
**

So go on, have your pick on your future.

.

Ah, remember that game you played in the seventh grade? _What would you rather_, wasn't it? Well, Kristen, why don't we have some fun to help you decide what to do?

What is that? You don't want to play it? Oh, we're sorry, Kristen Gregory, but life's harsh this way. It doesn't always go as planned. It doesn't matter that Massie Block has everything planned out just **perfectly**. Why? Well, honey, it's all up to us, the fates. We decide your future, and we decide what happens next.

You little humans have **no** control over future events. But you do have one chance to change yourself, and it's now, Kristen. Now or never.

Go on, little girl. (After all, compared to us, you're nothing but an infant)

.

You can't choose? Sorry to hear that, Kristen, but it's not going to work.

**Be who you are**. _Follow your heart_. Don't let them change you**.**

It's **all** your choice now. As life progresses on, Kristen, you have to make your own choices, and choose your own route to follow. Do not follow the others, for they know just as much as you do. (Which is very little, to be honest.)

Remember those days in which you enjoyed life with **all** your heart? Those peaceful times, when popularity didn't matter and everyone was friends?

It's a completely different era now, Kristen, and now that you've entered your teenage years for such a long time, you get a chance to look at your life and decide if you like it. Do you _enjoy_ going behind your mother's back to those parties? The ones with drugs, smoking, and grinding?

.

Oh, so now you want to change back to who you were before? Well, that's going to take some long, hard work. But alas, you've impressed us. It may have taken quite some time for you to realize this, but you're happy with who you are.

Remember the summer before eighth grade? Remember the Witty Committee, and having fun with them? Being who you are; a **nerd**, **jock**, **geek**, and **dork**?

We're glad that you chose, but now you have to **fulfill** your destiny.

Because if you don't try, darling, you won't succeed. You'll go back to being one of those bitchy, prissy girls who bully those around them. Do you even **want** to be that way? Do you _enjoy_ feeling like nothing; feeling like **dirt**?

Do you actually **enjoy** losing your mother's trust?

.

Of course not, you don't. It's printed out neatly in your genes. You're a "goody two-shoes", and a nerd. So be it, then. Embrace this, and don't erase this. Show off your quirks, and your personality, and your differences. Don't hide them.

Be **who you are**. It doesn't matter what **they** say. They're only humans, for all that matters. You're one too, of course, but in life, you meet a whole lot. It doesn't matter what one says, or in that case, even a hundred. No, all that matters is what **you** think of yourself. What do _you_ look like in your mind? Are you **really** as good and perfect as you think you are? Have you made the right choice in following the Pretty Committee's example?

Well, after this conversation, all we have left is one piece of advice.

.

Insulting yourself does nothelp. No, all it does is make you feel worse about yourself, and that's not good. Not good at all.

So Kristen Gregory, enjoy your life, and hopefully the next time we see you, all will be well and you'll be who you really are.

Maybe you'd have changed for the **better**.

* * *

**an:** so happy birthday, cat! if this is against the ffn rules; i'm sorry. it just doesn't work in first or third. (yes, i tried) um, happy 14 birthday; you're a year closer to your sweet 16! :)

and um i didn't use any prompts but whatevs. :P this originally wasn't for anyone but i figured that since it's your birthday i could dedicate it to you, y'know. :)

anyway, this sucked like seriously, but if you liked it, then yay, what a great achievement for me. so um, please review? thanks a million for even reading this. it makes me happy. (:

xx jo


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